Every chicken living to adulthood, or at least to an age sufficient to harvest, we must assume, is possessed of one (1) heart, and one (1) gizzard.  Neither more nor less.  There must therefore be one (1) of each in each chicken that is harvested.

So why, then, does, e.g. Perdue, put out packages of what they label “Chicken Gizzards and Hearts (mostly gizzards)”?  By the way, they’re being entirely truthful; those packages contain a dozen or more gizzards per heart.  This past Sunday I fried me us a mess of them — two whole packages, in fact — and in that two whole packages of chicken-gizzards-and-hearts-mostly-gizzards there were, count them: exactly zero hearts at all.  None.

I want to see some video of Perdue’s source farms.  I want to see what a whole shed of heartless chickens look likes.  Do they also come with no forearms on their wings?  I mean, when eating buffalo wings everyone wants the upper arm, because you can eat those with one hand (saving the other to grab your beer without smearing it up with buffalo wing sauce, naturally).  Seems if they can produce heartless chickens (although as a proposition of pure mathematics I must not exclude the hypothesis that each of their chickens in fact does have one (1) heart . . . but also has about thirteen (13) or so gizzards), they can work the upper arm gag as well.

I’m stumped.  Seems like the math would work differently.